I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
