dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
