Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
