Already got asked if we're dating
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize