He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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