i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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