my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
