i was born a porn star she said
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
