i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Mom said you looked used
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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