today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Are my feet made of real feet?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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