i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
