Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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