they need to just BURY HIM!
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
