Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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