why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
