The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
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