ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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