I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
