just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
