After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
