So drunk, too bad you don't want this
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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