Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
