Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
