For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize