Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I can text with my tongue
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
