i just had sex bonerless
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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