She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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