Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
