Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
