The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
grandma shit on top of the toilet
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
