so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize