i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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