I should be sponsored by Trojan
Fuck appropriateness.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
