Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize