At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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