Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
