I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
