i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
