i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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