Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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