i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
