Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
