She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
