My brain says no but my pants say off.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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