His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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