dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
