Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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