why do cheetos always look like penises
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
