I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just had sex on a roof
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
