Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
