He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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