There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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