U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
