the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
