...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
