I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
