So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
