every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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