Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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