It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
