Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
