Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
