I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
The adults are the big ones right?
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