Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
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