if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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