this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
it's like iHOP with fire
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
