Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
