My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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