i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
