Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize