i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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