Me too!
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
